Letter from the Author

It has come to my attention that on a certain place that I have received some rather…unflattering feedback from someone who went to critique my last review but when I sat down and meditated on it part of me couldn’t help but wonder if this person wasn’t attempting to review the reviewer. Talk about a paradox, right?

Well, I’m going to show you what this person wrote. I’m not big on name dropping so don’t even ask me if you yourself weren’t there.

“Well since you felt like advertising I will critique it!

1) Reviews are for those interested in the game, you're probably never going to become a celebrity with active readers, or at least not the majority of your readers at any rate. Starting your review of a game with a completely unrelated explanation of why you've been inactive is unprofessional.

2) Bringing up wages is unprofessional, especially when it seems you're begging for donations.

3) You called Sword Girls the 'must f***ing dumb name ever'. Did I mention unprofessional? You're advertising this review on the fan-forum of the game you're practically bashing? You're using the insult 'dumb' when you use 'must' in place of 'most', showing you didn't even bother to proof-read the article you expect to make money or donations off of?

Christ, I'm just gonna stop there. This is embarrassing to read, let alone post, and I'm sure the rest of it is just as awful. In content, grammar, and writing style.

ANYWAY MOVING ON.”

No, I didn’t get cute by bleeping out all the fucking cussing it’s just that the message board in question has a chat filter and I wanted my quote to be exact so whoever it is can’t say I minced words. So I plan on attacking these points here. I had left a relatively “sanitized” version of my reply on the forum because parts of what I really feel about this person could earn me a suspension, warning or even an outright ban. I want to bare my fangs but I’m not stupid.

Also I just want it to be clear that I am not one who gets pissed off at criticism at all. That is as long as you limit the attacks to the WORK and not at the PERSON or give meaningless criticism. If you think I did good then tell me where I did well so I may improve my strong areas to keep them as such. On the flipside if I did poorly tell me where this weakness lies so I may work on them to produce a better product. Anyway, here we go.

1)      Reviews are for those interested in the game, you're probably never going to become a celebrity with active readers, or at least not the majority of your readers at any rate.

You don’t know me well but I realize that. The market is FLOODED with reviews and as much as I would LOVE this blog to be a source of income it’s just not looking possible anytime soon and I have come to terms with that. EVERYONE IS A CRITIC. I bet as we speak a Cat is reviewing Dota 2, a Dog is reviewing some Call of Duty clone and your Grandmother is reviewing Tetris. If I am to reach celebrity status I doubt it will come from this but rather some other arena.

Starting your review of a game with a completely unrelated explanation of why you've been inactive is unprofessional.

You’re right. It’s not the least bit related. I mean I got a bunch of people checking back and forth on this blog and have noticed my activity has reached a serious low. Why WOULD I waste their time wondering where I have been and excusing myself for my untimely and abrupt absents? WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY MANNERS!? I should just leave them dangling in the air, shouldn’t I? Well, I might not have many readers at this point but for the ones I do have I felt it was important enough to address. So yes, it’s NOT NEEDED but I give it as a common curtsey and if you don’t like it you can go fuck a cactus. And no, you may not use lubricants or pain killers before, during or after.

2)      Bringing up wages is unprofessional, especially when it seems you're begging for donations.

As I explained on the forum this was supposed to be an attempt at humor that fell flat. So flat you didn’t even seem to find it funny how hard I had failed. You must be a rather humorless person yourself and since it fell so flat I will explain the failed joke even if it does violate a tropes rule.

The first time I “begged” was being funny about how for some people, this is a job and they are expected to deliver on a timely manner for the promise of monetary gain. As of now I do this primarily as a hobby. I am not on anyone’s payroll so I was explaining in jest that since I have no one to answer to (be they an employer or someone who donates to me so much that they have some sense of entitlement and feels that I “owe them” to come in on time come Hell or high water) I really have no reason to keep my schedule other than as a way of getting a routine down. In reality since this blog has been up I have had absolutely no donators. As much as I would love to have them, begging for them will not make them come. I realize this so I decided to have fun with it.

The second point where I “begged” I was attempting to play the role of the gaming addict who blows whatever they can spare and beyond on a game. You strike me as a rather analytical person…too analytical to be precise because it went right over your head. For everyone else I must apologize for my delivery being God awful. Humor is subjective and it depends on a context to work which can be hard to actualize if you are not being heard (using tone of voice to give context) or if it’s an in joke (which you would have to be a long term viewer of the content or really know the person to get it). Lesson learned, moving on.

You called Sword Girls the 'must f***ing dumb name ever'. Did I mention unprofessional? You're advertising this review on the fan-forum of the game you're practically bashing?

OH MY GOD, YOU’RE SO FUCKING SHORT SIGHTED IT GIVES ME CANCER AND AIDS! It strikes me that you never bothered to read the entire fucking review since you’re so fucking quick to fucking snap at me it’s not even funny. First of all, what MORON would come onto a FAN SITE to attack the fucking game? That’s virtual suicide! You think I WANT to be harassed by mouth breathers like you who can’t even see context or are too fucking lazy to read the fucking review all the way through!?

Had you read the review I said I liked the game but just because I like the game doesn’t mean I got my head stuck so far up Cinia Pacifica’s ass (that’s her Maids job) that I can’t see any flaws or see what someone looking at the name of the game for the first time would think. I STILL THINK THE NAME IS DUMB AS FUCK AND WHOEVER CAME UP WITH IT SHOULD BE BEATEN but unlike shallow minded people who would laugh and just turn away from it without even giving it a shot I gave it a chance despite the name. I like the game but the fact I think the name is dumb as all fuck will not change anytime soon. Anyway on to attacking you more since you got me in such a scribing mood tonight.

You're using the insult 'dumb' when you use 'must' in place of 'most', showing you didn't even bother to proof-read the article you expect to make money or donations off of?

This is the ONLY POINT YOU MADE THAT WAS VALID! The ONLY FUKING POINT! Like I explained politely on the forums was that I wanted to get back on track so I didn’t think to proof read it much (if at all) and really could benefit from a proof reader. But what I REALLY WANTED TO TELL YOU was that despite the point you made, you sir or ma’am are an ASS. You made a critical point and addressed a weakness but you were a FUCKING ASS about it. And speaking of ass…

Christ, I'm just gonna stop there. This is embarrassing to read, let alone post, and I'm sure the rest of it is just as awful. In content, grammar, and writing style.

And here you just admit that you didn’t even fucking bother to read the entire thing. You sir strike me as someone I wish not to associate with offline. I don’t even wish to associate with you online. Now I checked back on the board and saw your follow up, which is what inspired this reply. It is apparent that you are not my target audience. It is apparent that you think my writing style is shit. It is apparent that you dislike the character. It is apparent that you take opportunities to attack the person in ways you find “cleaver” and need to prove yourself to be smart with responses like “Be professional” while simultaneously taking shots at me in ways you feel prove your superiority complex.

Tell me something. Is it lonely up there on your pedestal? I have an audience but I don’t believe it’s you. In fact I would be horrified into a comma if someone as you enjoyed or even followed this.

I have taken your feedback in, but not to heart. And no, I will not find a new hobby. In fact your “criticism” has inspired me to keep on point. I will not stop with the fucking cursing. I like it too much and I don’t use it in excess normally, in fact if you met me offline you would know I rarely if ever curse at others.

Stay classy and if you’re reading this here’s something you can beat off to for all the kind words and boat load of valuable feedback I have received. You know, make your nights less lonely.

You’re welcome.